the, 'why shd I bother putting a title post'

I guess there is some point in life where you will feel that, why do I always need to be the one taking the crap from others?!

 Where they use you as a sacrifice and shoot you down like in DOTA where they use huge ass guns ( they use guns in dota right?) and then laugh at your stupidity for sacrificing. 

Funny may not seem to be 'amusing' anymore. Instead it seems immature and absurd. For the love of me (cause im LOA), we are already 19 and soon to be out of our teens but all you guys can do is to use me as a source of entertainment? 

Clowning around may seem fine, but every time when I come online? Geez, don’t you get sick of picking on me? I give up arguing with you guys.  What’s the point of it? Yes my canto or Korean may not be as perfect as yours. Maybe you shd get a new best friend who’s a Korean or Hongkie since you love using those language. And me acting smart?  I wonder who’s the one that started talking like they are some pro in that language. Oh wait pardon me, maybe you have some Korean genes in you… so that’s why you seems to be so fluent and busy correcting every words?


If i continue chatting, you condemn my canto/korean spelling or somewhere along those shit. if not, 'im too busy for you guys'. right, thanks. 

 I was never on msn, or there when you need me right?

If our friendship could be quantify by the number of webcam-ing, im seriously speechless.

(to the rest) If you complained that I was never there, what about you? 

OR RATHER,

You should have a second thought if

I was ever given a chance to tell you how was my day?  To have a totally BS day and coming online to find a group of you ‘BFF’ shooting shits at you, really its just SUCH AN ENJOYMENT.

And that ridiculous daylight saving didn’t really help either. 3 hours ahead of you guys, and still I’m here trying to make an effort to be in the conversation where all you guys could do is pinpoint my mistake and lack of involvement.

And guess what, after all the bullshits being thrown down at you. They come back individually and asked,'since when are you such a bum who can’t take jokes?' and tell you not to be angry. Seriously, that is so old school. Attacking as a pack, then coming back individually.

at this point, im not sure if I shd be glad that you realised I'm actually hurt by your actions that you even bother to apologise. or just be like the rest who pretend nothing actually happened. 

which reminds me, there was one time when i was in SJBA and someone told me,  making fun of someone else is to cover up your insecurities, why do you have to make someone's life as miserable as yours? I remember telling this to one of the bestf, cause we used poke and condemn each other's life like it was some joke. It seems fun at that very moment, but underneath it all; there was burnt mark in the heart. Ever since I came here, I tried not to make fun at ridiculous stuff just for the fun of it, as i dont want you guys who are dearest to me to feel what i felt as irony it sounds. (with all the new environment and everything else)

I guess you can finally call me a bummer, cause you know what? (at this point you are suppose to say, ‘WHAT??  =.= ’)

IM TIRED OF BEING THE 'NICE' PERSON. (har har har, laugh all you want) In friendship or whatever. And this is not the first time it happens, each time I mentioned it you seems to be taking it as a joke.

I guess life is a series of joke after all.

. 

[ It seems total bs that im posting this here, considering that you might never see this. or that you may see this and our friendship may fall apart. either way, you know that i love you guys in some way, but for now everything seems to be suffocating me that I each time i was in that grp conversation, I think I would just sink deep into depression. dont worry, im already on my way to it. ]